Compatibility .

The following is taken from my journal a few days ago. I'm not sure if I should be sharing this, but I feel like I need to.

I am a NZ born, Australian raised, Tongan. English is my native tongue. I speak little and understand some of the Tongan language. He is Tongan born & raised, and speaks and understands little English.

Culturally, I would say we have the same traditional values. I grew up in a very conservative, religious family and I think he did too. We have the same beliefs in that sense.

But there are so many things I've noticed recently where we are so different! A lot of it comes down to language. Because we communicate in English I find myself having to explain my words more. But even something that I say that would be (to a native English speaker) as "not that big of a deal", I notice he would take offence.

Tonight I tried to explain that I sometimes find some church talks boring. If I were speaking to a close friend, we might have both agreed and laughed at how we lose interest (and/or fall asleep). But when I said the same thing to him he got really defensive saying how bad it is to say that church talks are boring. Even went as far to say "do you find the prophet or apostles talks boring?". This was when I realised 'boring' probably wasn't the best word to use. So I tried explaining I lose interest if I don't relate to what is being said. And that sometimes that makes it hard to understand. "You don't understand? You speak English!". Yeah, ok. This is where I had to take my one of many deep breaths. A simple statement had turned into I don't even know what. And that was when I realised how VERY different we are!

It takes so much energy to keep this relationship going. We both get frustrated at each other many times due to misunderstanding. I have to calm him down when he gets annoyed that I'm not understanding what he's saying straight away. (And it's a lot).

We're still not able to talk on deep a level as I'd like, but I'll admit it's slowly (turtle slow) getting there. In the process I've learned how to be patient, how to listen, how to understand, how to explain myself more simply, and how to look at things from his perspective more.

I'll be brutally honest, there have been so many times I've thought about why we bother, is all this effort even worth it? Are we even compatible? Why are we always fighting? And more so, why is it so HARD?

I'm hoping this is a tough phrase we're just going through. And I hope God sees how hard we're both trying and reward us with the loving, honest, open & supportive relationship I desire! I mean, nothing that was worthwhile came easy, right?