Compatibility .

The following is taken from my journal a few days ago. I'm not sure if I should be sharing this, but I feel like I need to.

I am a NZ born, Australian raised, Tongan. English is my native tongue. I speak little and understand some of the Tongan language. He is Tongan born & raised, and speaks and understands little English.

Culturally, I would say we have the same traditional values. I grew up in a very conservative, religious family and I think he did too. We have the same beliefs in that sense.

But there are so many things I've noticed recently where we are so different! A lot of it comes down to language. Because we communicate in English I find myself having to explain my words more. But even something that I say that would be (to a native English speaker) as "not that big of a deal", I notice he would take offence.

Tonight I tried to explain that I sometimes find some church talks boring. If I were speaking to a close friend, we might have both agreed and laughed at how we lose interest (and/or fall asleep). But when I said the same thing to him he got really defensive saying how bad it is to say that church talks are boring. Even went as far to say "do you find the prophet or apostles talks boring?". This was when I realised 'boring' probably wasn't the best word to use. So I tried explaining I lose interest if I don't relate to what is being said. And that sometimes that makes it hard to understand. "You don't understand? You speak English!". Yeah, ok. This is where I had to take my one of many deep breaths. A simple statement had turned into I don't even know what. And that was when I realised how VERY different we are!

It takes so much energy to keep this relationship going. We both get frustrated at each other many times due to misunderstanding. I have to calm him down when he gets annoyed that I'm not understanding what he's saying straight away. (And it's a lot).

We're still not able to talk on deep a level as I'd like, but I'll admit it's slowly (turtle slow) getting there. In the process I've learned how to be patient, how to listen, how to understand, how to explain myself more simply, and how to look at things from his perspective more.

I'll be brutally honest, there have been so many times I've thought about why we bother, is all this effort even worth it? Are we even compatible? Why are we always fighting? And more so, why is it so HARD?

I'm hoping this is a tough phrase we're just going through. And I hope God sees how hard we're both trying and reward us with the loving, honest, open & supportive relationship I desire! I mean, nothing that was worthwhile came easy, right?

Shine.

I genuinely am happy when I see others succeed! And I'm moreso in awe of those that shine so bright even with all the trials they've been through.

The ones that bravely face the world even when they want to hide and cry.

Yes, YOU!

This one's for you!

I admire you!

You are so totally awesome, your positivity is contagious!

You truly bring meaning to the saying "don't let your past dictate your future", because I'm sure you (as can I) can see your great potential.

Never lose that spark! <3 #beinspired #bemotivated #shinebrightlikeadiamond

Family.

I love my lil family. It may just be Lily & I but I loved my time with her tonight during Family Home Evening. In a family centred gospel it's easy (as a single mother) to feel somewhat left out and irrelevant to gospel topics like the temple, and families.

Personally though, I'm excited, hopeful, a little impatient (lol) that one day someone awesome will come join our lil family and take us to the temple.

I'm not sure anyone reads this, but I'm going to let you into a little of my hearts' desire.

I enjoy being a stay at home mum. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like as a housewife. I would enjoy cooking bigger meals and having my daughter squeal "Daddy! Daddy!" in excitement as he comes home from work.

I grew up with lots of family, and was raised by my namesake who was married to someone from a huuuuge family! I loved it! Christmas, Easter, Mothers Day, Nanas birthday... I looked forward to these special occasions because of the fun I had with all my cousins!

Now that's what I would love for Lily. I would love my husband to come from a huuuge family. I would looove to take her to Tonga. I just want a big family :) and I hope I get the chance to give Lily some siblings. Only just like 8 or something hehe

I'm hopeful.

Keep looking up.

Snoopy (was about to call him Snoop Dog lol) has always been a favourite of mine. What a wise lil dog! Physically, looking 'up' (in my opinion) means you look confident, ready to take on the world and its challenges. You're not slouching or shuffling your feet but marching ahead faithfully! On the other hand, looking up reminds me to always keep my head up, staying positive and looking up gratefully to God in thanks! There's so much to be thankful and hopeful for... so never lose sight of your goals and keep looking up! <3 #bemotivated #keeplookingup #staypositive

Good thoughts.

I am a firm believer of staying positive and thinking uplifting thoughts! And with all those good thoughts, there will be no room for doubt. When it comes to risks (of businesses, of love, of life) you will be compelled to accomplish what you set your mind to, especially when you have faith and believe in yourself. No room for any negativity here! #bemotivated #liveyourdreams #thinkpositive

Inspiration.

As much as it is a huge shock to hear about Haynesy, listening to his press conference speech is really inspiring! He makes a good point of reminding us to always challenge ourselves to follow our dreams and passions. Don't be complacent! Set goals. Live your dreams, no matter how crazy. And surround yourself with positive people <3 #bemotivated

Never give up.

This week on Facebook I've shared some of my thoughts so here I am sharing the love on my blog I've abandoned for 2 years lol

Never give up on chasing your dreams! No matter how far-fetched it may seem. If you believe you can, you're half way there <3 #bemotivated